Wednesday, December 24, 2008

What's after gay marriage?

According to Mark Steyn, a thousand people recently signed a petition in Tokyo demanding the right to marry cartoon characters.

"I am no longer interested in three dimensions. I would even like to become a resident of the two-dimensional world," explained Taichi Takashita. "Therefore, at the very least, would it be possible to legally authorize marriage with a two-dimensional character?"

As it appears inevitable that the courts will legislate the "right" to gay marriage, it also appears inevitable that "marriage" will lose any real meaning. Once gay marriage has been sanctioned, it will be impossible for courts to deny the right to "marry" anything or anyone(s) according to the same definition of "rights."

Polygamous marriage is already allowed in Britain for Muslims, with multiple wives receiving their welfare checks. In Israel, a woman was reported to have married a dolphin. It's only a matter of time before group marriages - 10 guys marrying 37 women and their dogs and cats, forming one big, happy family.

Once the definition of marriage has been expanded beyond its traditional and ancient definition, there will be no limit to "marriage". Therefore the only substantive purposes of marriage will be to establish the right to share property and to receive benefit checks. Imagine the healthcare and pension benefits for the family of an employee married to however many people, animals, plants, and cartoon characters. Presumably the cartoon characters won't require much healthcare, but how about pensions?

Will healthcare plans have to cover the services of tree surgeons once people have the right to marry their gardens? And why limit marriage to people at all? Perhaps lakes should be allowed to marry their shores.

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